By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Ankush_S]Ankush S and Shipra Sinha
Sikhism religion was founded by Guru Nanak Dev Ji around 15th century. This religion believes in the concept of one god and practices the teachings of his founders. The religion opposes the practice of caste system and does not believe in idol worship. Sikh Matrimony also follows the principles of Sikhism and the wedding takes place in a Gurudwara (a place of worship for the Sikh community). Weddings for the Sikh community members are solemnized in presence of the holy book, Guru Granth Sahib Ji.
The wedding ceremony for Sikh members is known as Anand Karaj, which means blissful union. The wedding usually happens during daytime. In the presence of the holy book, the groom and the bride takes vows to share responsibilities and duties as man and wife. After the end of the ceremony, both families organize a grand feast for family and friends.
The wedding rituals of a Sikh Matrimony begin a couple of days before the actual wedding day. Some common rituals are as follows:
Roka or Ceremony before the Engagement
Like all other Indian weddings, in the Sikh matrimony there are many rituals before the actual day of wedding. The first pre-wedding ritual is the 'roka'. After fixing the match, the groom's side visits the bride and a prayer meet is organized. In the end, the bride's family offer gifts and sweets to the groom.
Kudmai or Sagaai
This is the engagement ceremony where the bride and groom exchange rings. The bride usually wears Indian clothes on the engagement day while the groom dons a western-styled suit. Gifts, sweets and clothes are given to the bride and groom. After the engagement ceremony, the bride and groom side along with close friends enjoy a sumptuous feast of regional delicacies.
Sangeet Ceremony
This is a fun-filled ceremony where the bride's side organizes an evening of dance and fun. The family and friends sing Punjabi wedding songs to the tapping of dholak (Indian style drum). Young girls and boys perform on the latest chartbusters.
Mehendi Ceremony
This is another fun ritual, which is mostly for the female members of the family. Mehendi artists are hired and intricate patterns are drawn on the hands and feet of the bride. Other female members also get their palms decorated and all present shares a hearty laugh. The bride leaves her mehendi to dry up to a few hours to get a deep red colour.
A small mehendi ceremony is also organized in the groom's house. A small quantity of mehendi is smeared on his palms and this is quickly washed off.
Tying of Gana
A red thread on the left wrist of the bride is tied and items like iron key chain, cowrie shells and pearls are suspended from this. These items are considered auspicious in a Sikh Matrimony. A similar red thread without the above items is also tied on the right wrist of the groom.
Vatna
In this ritual, which happens some days before the wedding, the bride is smeared with a scented powder of turmeric, barley flour and mustard oil.
Gharoli
In the morning of the wedding day, the sister is law of the groom along with other female member goes to nearby well to fill an earthen pitcher, known as gharoli. This water is stored for the groom for bathing.
Khare Charna
This is another important ritual in a Sikh matrimony. The groom gets ready for his bath on the morning of wedding. He sits on a stool and four girls hold a cloth at four corners and cover his head.
Some more important rituals in a Sikh Matrimony are Ghodhi Chadhna, Milni Ceremony and Lawan Phere.
Shipra Sinha writes on behalf of Jeevansathi.com, which is India's fastest growing matrimonial website. Jeevansathi.com helps the users to search corresponding matches from their respective community like [http://www.jeevansathi.com/matrimonials/sikh-matrimonial/]Sikh Matrimony, [http://www.jeevansathi.com/matrimonials/punjabi-matrimonial/]Punjabi Matrimonial from their online matrimonial and matchmaking services.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Dance-and-Music-Is-an-Integral-Part-of-Every-Sikh-Matrimony&id=6630711] Dance and Music Is an Integral Part of Every Sikh Matrimony
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Art of Marital Harmony
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Yeak_Zu_Jin]Yeak Zu Jin
Elvis Presley once sang this line of a beautiful love song: "Wise men say, only fools rush in." So, to all the "fools" who rush in and fall in love and get married, I would like to share with you the W-I-S-D-O-M of married life. Here goes...
'W' is for working out
One should always make an effort to keep one's marriage. Divorce should never even cross your mind. Delete this mentality of 'Oh, I can always get a divorce if things don't work out'. We must tell ourselves to work it out and make it happen.
Divorce should only be the last resort. It is like a U-turn when you meet a dead-end. If you have not come to a dead-end, try to move ahead and not do a U-turn. You may eventually get your destination.
The least you could do is try. Divorce is not a wise solution is most cases. Often time, it is only the convenient way out.
'I' is for in-laws
Your relationship with your in-laws must be conducive or else thins would not work. After all, we should be thankful for their existence because they brought our other half into this world. We must admit that in-laws are part of a marriage constitution.
Let us all live in harmony. Do not put your spouse in a difficult situation where he has to make a choice between you or his parents. There is never a choice in the first place.
A wise woman will never woman will never ask a man whether he will save his wife or his mother if both fall into sea at the same time.
'S' is for self
We always forget to put emphasis on ourselves. Keep some time for yourself and your spouse should also do the same. During this 'me-time', do what you like which your other half may not be so enthusiastic about.
This way, you get a chance to recharge and do some soul-searching. Listen to the voices in your heart and do not lose yourself in the quest of trying to please everybody.
Be at peace with yourself and keep firm to guiding principles and beliefs. Only then will you be capable of thinking and making wise decisions.
'D' is for dumb and deaf
When an argument arises, it is wise to act dumb and to turn a deaf ear to whatever he says. After all, how many times have we actually regretted having said those mean words in the heat of an argument? Or wished we had kept our mouths shut and not retaliated on the spot?
Words that are not though over are best left unspoken. Better still, write down your feeling and email or SMS your post-argument thoughts to your spouse.
Writing them down will give you time to ponder and evaluate your innermost feelings. The receiver will also be able to read your thoughts in a more peaceful way. A wise man treats an argument as a way to understand each other better. It is not a matter of winning or losing.
'O' is for observe
Observe what your spouse despises and avoid them. If your spouse does not like you pulling a long face, let him know what is bothering you rather than wait for him to make a guess. Learn to pick up the hints from his facial expressions and body language.
Always be wary of what you say and do and how it will affect others. Quarrels can be easily avoided once we are able to recognise the trigger points. Avoid triggering them for it is not wise to test one's patience.
On the other hand, observe what are the things that please him and use them as a positive approach to enhance your marriage.
If he likes a particular dish that your mum cooks, get the recipe from her and learn to cook the dish to perfection. It is a small heartwarming gesture to show that you actually care and take notice of his likings.
'M' is for mediate
Sort out any disagreements, talk it out and find an amicable solution. Do not ignore the disgruntlement and go to sleep with hatred in your heart. Eventually, the same issue will arise some other time and the same problem will crop up. Before you know it, trivial issues might blow up into bigger proportions.
You have a lifetime to spend with this person, yet life is too short to be wasted on unconstructive arguments. There are other better things in life to be shared and enjoyed.
Amy Waterman is a professional writer that has covered relationships, attractions, and marriage extensively, understanding what goes into relationships and what should come out from the appropriate strategies. She has given her time and commitment to rel=nofollow [http://premarriagecounselingblog.blogspot.com/p/save-my-marriage-today-review.html]Save My Marriage Today in order to create various informative lessons that all married couples can benefit from. Instead of shoving useless information down the throats of couples seeking out a bit of advice, Amy uses her writing skills to provide these lessons in a way that can be approached by couples and even one spouse that is seeking a better direction for their marriage.
Marriage Counseling Blog. If you are having a problem with your marriage. Feel free to visit this blog to have a solution right now! http://premarriagecounselingblog.blogspot.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Art-of-Marital-Harmony&id=6633658] Art of Marital Harmony
Elvis Presley once sang this line of a beautiful love song: "Wise men say, only fools rush in." So, to all the "fools" who rush in and fall in love and get married, I would like to share with you the W-I-S-D-O-M of married life. Here goes...
'W' is for working out
One should always make an effort to keep one's marriage. Divorce should never even cross your mind. Delete this mentality of 'Oh, I can always get a divorce if things don't work out'. We must tell ourselves to work it out and make it happen.
Divorce should only be the last resort. It is like a U-turn when you meet a dead-end. If you have not come to a dead-end, try to move ahead and not do a U-turn. You may eventually get your destination.
The least you could do is try. Divorce is not a wise solution is most cases. Often time, it is only the convenient way out.
'I' is for in-laws
Your relationship with your in-laws must be conducive or else thins would not work. After all, we should be thankful for their existence because they brought our other half into this world. We must admit that in-laws are part of a marriage constitution.
Let us all live in harmony. Do not put your spouse in a difficult situation where he has to make a choice between you or his parents. There is never a choice in the first place.
A wise woman will never woman will never ask a man whether he will save his wife or his mother if both fall into sea at the same time.
'S' is for self
We always forget to put emphasis on ourselves. Keep some time for yourself and your spouse should also do the same. During this 'me-time', do what you like which your other half may not be so enthusiastic about.
This way, you get a chance to recharge and do some soul-searching. Listen to the voices in your heart and do not lose yourself in the quest of trying to please everybody.
Be at peace with yourself and keep firm to guiding principles and beliefs. Only then will you be capable of thinking and making wise decisions.
'D' is for dumb and deaf
When an argument arises, it is wise to act dumb and to turn a deaf ear to whatever he says. After all, how many times have we actually regretted having said those mean words in the heat of an argument? Or wished we had kept our mouths shut and not retaliated on the spot?
Words that are not though over are best left unspoken. Better still, write down your feeling and email or SMS your post-argument thoughts to your spouse.
Writing them down will give you time to ponder and evaluate your innermost feelings. The receiver will also be able to read your thoughts in a more peaceful way. A wise man treats an argument as a way to understand each other better. It is not a matter of winning or losing.
'O' is for observe
Observe what your spouse despises and avoid them. If your spouse does not like you pulling a long face, let him know what is bothering you rather than wait for him to make a guess. Learn to pick up the hints from his facial expressions and body language.
Always be wary of what you say and do and how it will affect others. Quarrels can be easily avoided once we are able to recognise the trigger points. Avoid triggering them for it is not wise to test one's patience.
On the other hand, observe what are the things that please him and use them as a positive approach to enhance your marriage.
If he likes a particular dish that your mum cooks, get the recipe from her and learn to cook the dish to perfection. It is a small heartwarming gesture to show that you actually care and take notice of his likings.
'M' is for mediate
Sort out any disagreements, talk it out and find an amicable solution. Do not ignore the disgruntlement and go to sleep with hatred in your heart. Eventually, the same issue will arise some other time and the same problem will crop up. Before you know it, trivial issues might blow up into bigger proportions.
You have a lifetime to spend with this person, yet life is too short to be wasted on unconstructive arguments. There are other better things in life to be shared and enjoyed.
Amy Waterman is a professional writer that has covered relationships, attractions, and marriage extensively, understanding what goes into relationships and what should come out from the appropriate strategies. She has given her time and commitment to rel=nofollow [http://premarriagecounselingblog.blogspot.com/p/save-my-marriage-today-review.html]Save My Marriage Today in order to create various informative lessons that all married couples can benefit from. Instead of shoving useless information down the throats of couples seeking out a bit of advice, Amy uses her writing skills to provide these lessons in a way that can be approached by couples and even one spouse that is seeking a better direction for their marriage.
Marriage Counseling Blog. If you are having a problem with your marriage. Feel free to visit this blog to have a solution right now! http://premarriagecounselingblog.blogspot.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Art-of-Marital-Harmony&id=6633658] Art of Marital Harmony
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Importance Of Integrity In A Marriage
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Adam_K_B]Adam K B
Integrity
Integrity is being lost in marriages, businesses, sports, TV, and even the government. It is a word that seems to have no meaning to people anymore. If you want to start saving your marriage, and stop divorce from winning the battle, I hope you are not making a simple mistake that has cost many couples their marriage. Being honest and true to yourself and your spouse is an extremely simple task, and shouldn't be a problem in a marriage that is supposed to be filled with love, yet it seems to be.
How can you save your marriage by using integrity? Well it's simple really, don't lie, and be upfront.
If you're feeling guilty about doing something, then don't do it. You will naturally tell yourself what you know is right and wrong. Even if your spouse doesn't know about what you're doing whether you are cheating, flirting, watching adult content or anything else, but you know they would be upset. Then you still shouldn't do it if you know it is wrong. Being honest with yourself is the first step, from there being honest with your spouse should be fairly easy.
Having a marriage built on integrity will always outlast a marriage that is built on lies, or even small amount of dishonesty. Working towards a marriage that is completely honest will take some time, but it should be a goal for both of you! If your marriage is in trouble because of dishonest related issues, it is time to come clean. It is the first step in saving your marriage. Once you both of come clean with lies you may have told and whatever else, you both will feel relief. It may be hard to accept certain things that they tell you, but you are starting a new chapter now so explain to them how you feel with certain things they tell you. And be honest about how you feel, if something bugs you, let them know. This is a new beginning remember, you are now about to save the marriage!
From there on out, just try to be open with each other, communicate with each other, and be honest with each other. As the integrity level grows within your marriage, it will keep getting stronger, and so will your marriage. The feeling of love, and trust will be fulfilling and divorce will no longer even be in the horizons for you and your spouse.
If you enjoyed this article, and want to know more about how you can start [http://www.howtosaveamarriagereview.com]saving your marriage then please visit my website. There I provide multiple resources that you can use to learn how to save a marriage and stop divorce right in it's tracks!
Remember this is a process, and the proper steps need to be taken. Find out where to [http://howtosaveamarriagereview.com/blog/start-save-marriage/]start to save your marriage.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Importance-Of-Integrity-In-A-Marriage&id=6634406] Importance Of Integrity In A Marriage
Integrity
Integrity is being lost in marriages, businesses, sports, TV, and even the government. It is a word that seems to have no meaning to people anymore. If you want to start saving your marriage, and stop divorce from winning the battle, I hope you are not making a simple mistake that has cost many couples their marriage. Being honest and true to yourself and your spouse is an extremely simple task, and shouldn't be a problem in a marriage that is supposed to be filled with love, yet it seems to be.
How can you save your marriage by using integrity? Well it's simple really, don't lie, and be upfront.
If you're feeling guilty about doing something, then don't do it. You will naturally tell yourself what you know is right and wrong. Even if your spouse doesn't know about what you're doing whether you are cheating, flirting, watching adult content or anything else, but you know they would be upset. Then you still shouldn't do it if you know it is wrong. Being honest with yourself is the first step, from there being honest with your spouse should be fairly easy.
Having a marriage built on integrity will always outlast a marriage that is built on lies, or even small amount of dishonesty. Working towards a marriage that is completely honest will take some time, but it should be a goal for both of you! If your marriage is in trouble because of dishonest related issues, it is time to come clean. It is the first step in saving your marriage. Once you both of come clean with lies you may have told and whatever else, you both will feel relief. It may be hard to accept certain things that they tell you, but you are starting a new chapter now so explain to them how you feel with certain things they tell you. And be honest about how you feel, if something bugs you, let them know. This is a new beginning remember, you are now about to save the marriage!
From there on out, just try to be open with each other, communicate with each other, and be honest with each other. As the integrity level grows within your marriage, it will keep getting stronger, and so will your marriage. The feeling of love, and trust will be fulfilling and divorce will no longer even be in the horizons for you and your spouse.
If you enjoyed this article, and want to know more about how you can start [http://www.howtosaveamarriagereview.com]saving your marriage then please visit my website. There I provide multiple resources that you can use to learn how to save a marriage and stop divorce right in it's tracks!
Remember this is a process, and the proper steps need to be taken. Find out where to [http://howtosaveamarriagereview.com/blog/start-save-marriage/]start to save your marriage.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Importance-Of-Integrity-In-A-Marriage&id=6634406] Importance Of Integrity In A Marriage
Friday, January 20, 2012
The Importance of Paithani Saris in Marathi Matrimony
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Ankush_S]Ankush S and Shipra Sinha
Selecting the right wedding trousseau is as important as getting the wedding mantras right. The wedding attire does not just grace the beauty of the bride and groom, but it is also a reflection of the religion and culture of the place in general and the wedding participants in particular. Marathi Matrimony has some unique rituals and customs. The wedding attire is generally traditional and saris are worn on most of the wedding related functions. The bridal sari for Marathi Matrimony is the 'Paithani', the time-honored crafts from the master weavers of the state.
Maharashtrian Brides usually wears traditional Indian attire on the day of her wedding. Even for the other wedding related functions, the brides prefer to don Indian clothes. Most of the brides in Maharashtra wear saris on their wedding day. Paithani Saris are the first choice for the brides in Marathi Matrimony
What are Paithani Saris?
Paithani Saris are hand woven saris preferred by the women of Maharashtra during festivals and important functions. These saris are a good example of handicrafts of the state. The town of Paithan in Maharashtra is the place of origin for these saris.
Fabric and texture of the Bridal Paithani Saree:
Paithani saris are available in cotton and silk. Bridal saris are usually woven in silk with intricate embroidery at the border. In the earlier times, the saris have borders woven with gold threads. However, with rising cost of the metal gold, silver threads coated with golden color are used. The entire saris are woven by hand and hence take times from several months to a year. In addition, weaving silk saris takes extra care, as the fabric is very soft. Pure silk Paithani saris are very expensive and only the very affluent can buy. Weavers are mixing cotton and silk in proportion to make the saris easy to maintain and affordable at the same time. Cotton base is used in the body of the saris whereas silk yarns are used for borders and motifs on the saris. In Marathi matrimony, the bride prefers silk saris.
Motifs and Designs in the Bridal Paithani Saris:
The Bridal Paithani Saree have striking colors in rich shades of red, maroon and green. Most of the bridal saris in India are red in color, as red is considered to be an auspicious sign. The Paithani saris are also known for its unique color combination. The 'pallu' of the saris bears a different shade than the body. Most of the saris feature intricate zari borders.
Motifs in the Bridal Paithani saris are available in various designs. The pallu usually have animal motifs like peacock) and parrot. The border of the saris also feature interesting motifs like star, mango, flower, petal and lotus. Other designs like coconut, fan and coin also find place in the bridal saris. The sizes and patterns of these motifs vary, though most of them are woven in golden silk threads. The bodies of the saris generally have dotted motifs in silver or golden threads.
Paithani Saris in the Marathi Matrimony:
The Marathi bride looks resplendent in the rich silk saris with intricate borders. The bride wraps the Paithani sari in a unique way her wedding day. The bridals Paithani saris have admirers not only in Marathi Matrimony, but people in general buy them. These saris are a piece of art and even foreign nationals admire them. The saris reflect the art and cultural heritage of Maharashtra. In the era of mechanization, these saris are true labor of love and dedication. The saris are still hand-woven and fetch anywhere 5,000 to 50,000 depending upon the weaving, motifs and silk variety.
Shipra Sinha writes on behalf of Jeevansathi.com, which is India's fastest growing matrimonial website. Jeevansathi.com helps the users to search corresponding matches from their respective community like [http://www.jeevansathi.com/matrimonials/marathi-matrimonial/]Marathi Matrimony, [http://www.jeevansathi.com/matrimonials/hindu-matrimonial/]Hindu Matrimonial from their online matrimonial and matchmaking services.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Importance-of-Paithani-Saris-in-Marathi-Matrimony&id=6633247] The Importance of Paithani Saris in Marathi Matrimony
Selecting the right wedding trousseau is as important as getting the wedding mantras right. The wedding attire does not just grace the beauty of the bride and groom, but it is also a reflection of the religion and culture of the place in general and the wedding participants in particular. Marathi Matrimony has some unique rituals and customs. The wedding attire is generally traditional and saris are worn on most of the wedding related functions. The bridal sari for Marathi Matrimony is the 'Paithani', the time-honored crafts from the master weavers of the state.
Maharashtrian Brides usually wears traditional Indian attire on the day of her wedding. Even for the other wedding related functions, the brides prefer to don Indian clothes. Most of the brides in Maharashtra wear saris on their wedding day. Paithani Saris are the first choice for the brides in Marathi Matrimony
What are Paithani Saris?
Paithani Saris are hand woven saris preferred by the women of Maharashtra during festivals and important functions. These saris are a good example of handicrafts of the state. The town of Paithan in Maharashtra is the place of origin for these saris.
Fabric and texture of the Bridal Paithani Saree:
Paithani saris are available in cotton and silk. Bridal saris are usually woven in silk with intricate embroidery at the border. In the earlier times, the saris have borders woven with gold threads. However, with rising cost of the metal gold, silver threads coated with golden color are used. The entire saris are woven by hand and hence take times from several months to a year. In addition, weaving silk saris takes extra care, as the fabric is very soft. Pure silk Paithani saris are very expensive and only the very affluent can buy. Weavers are mixing cotton and silk in proportion to make the saris easy to maintain and affordable at the same time. Cotton base is used in the body of the saris whereas silk yarns are used for borders and motifs on the saris. In Marathi matrimony, the bride prefers silk saris.
Motifs and Designs in the Bridal Paithani Saris:
The Bridal Paithani Saree have striking colors in rich shades of red, maroon and green. Most of the bridal saris in India are red in color, as red is considered to be an auspicious sign. The Paithani saris are also known for its unique color combination. The 'pallu' of the saris bears a different shade than the body. Most of the saris feature intricate zari borders.
Motifs in the Bridal Paithani saris are available in various designs. The pallu usually have animal motifs like peacock) and parrot. The border of the saris also feature interesting motifs like star, mango, flower, petal and lotus. Other designs like coconut, fan and coin also find place in the bridal saris. The sizes and patterns of these motifs vary, though most of them are woven in golden silk threads. The bodies of the saris generally have dotted motifs in silver or golden threads.
Paithani Saris in the Marathi Matrimony:
The Marathi bride looks resplendent in the rich silk saris with intricate borders. The bride wraps the Paithani sari in a unique way her wedding day. The bridals Paithani saris have admirers not only in Marathi Matrimony, but people in general buy them. These saris are a piece of art and even foreign nationals admire them. The saris reflect the art and cultural heritage of Maharashtra. In the era of mechanization, these saris are true labor of love and dedication. The saris are still hand-woven and fetch anywhere 5,000 to 50,000 depending upon the weaving, motifs and silk variety.
Shipra Sinha writes on behalf of Jeevansathi.com, which is India's fastest growing matrimonial website. Jeevansathi.com helps the users to search corresponding matches from their respective community like [http://www.jeevansathi.com/matrimonials/marathi-matrimonial/]Marathi Matrimony, [http://www.jeevansathi.com/matrimonials/hindu-matrimonial/]Hindu Matrimonial from their online matrimonial and matchmaking services.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Importance-of-Paithani-Saris-in-Marathi-Matrimony&id=6633247] The Importance of Paithani Saris in Marathi Matrimony
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tips For Staying Calm When Your Husband Is Asking For A Separation Or Divorce
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Leslie_Cane]Leslie Cane
I sometimes hear from wives who have read that it's best to remain calm when your husband is asking for or saying that he wants a divorce. The reason for this is that your panic can cause you to do or say all of the wrong things and to make the divorce that much more likely. This makes sense on the surface. Saying that you should remain calm is easy. But actually doing it can be very difficult if not impossible. When what you fear the most is staring you right in face, it can be very difficult to reign in your feelings.
I heard from a wife who said: "I know that I should be calm and shouldn't panic, but this is a divorce that we are talking about. This is my life. This is my marriage. We are talking about the heart and not about our heads. How are you supposed to remain calm when the man who you love most in the world, and the father of your children, is telling you that he wants a divorce? I want to keep my cool, but I just don't see how I can."
Believe it or not, I intimately understand this topic. I was anything but calm when my own husband told me he wanted a separation and then divorce. And I fully realize that I am advising you to be calm when I myself was anything but. With that said, my inability to remain calm meant that I panicked. As a result, I acted in such a way that made my husband want to divorce me that much more quickly. My feeling toward and advice about remaining level headed is the direct result of the mistakes I made that almost cost me my marriage. However, changing course wasn't easy, especially since I had gotten into the habit of overreaching. But, through trial, error, and the knowledge that I had to change or lose my husband, I found some ways to calm myself down. I will share them with you below.
Keep Yourself Busy With Things You Actually Enjoy: You are going to feel the void of your husband more deeply if you dwell on it in a house where he is not present. I know that you might feel as if you just want to stay home and look at wedding photos while listening to your song. But, if you do these things, you're likely to be negatively affected by this and be inspired to do something that you might later regret.
It truly is best to keep yourself busy so you don't have the time to dwell on something to which you don't yet know the outcome. A divorce isn't granted over night. You may not have endless time, but you often have some time. If you spend that time nagging, following, or arguing with your husband, you aren't going to help your cause very much.
But, if you spend that time remaining busy and doing the things that allow you to act and respond more positively, then this is very likely to help your cause. Many wives do understand this on an intellectual level, but then when it comes down to actually calming down and backing up, they don't know where to start.
You start with what generally brings you happiness. Those friends, hobbies, and places that you have always loved but which you were too busy and too occupied to pay attention to before. Surround yourself with the people, places, and things that bring you some sort of comfort or peace. Doing this will accomplish many things for you, one of which just may be improving your interactions with your husband because you are more calm when you approach him.
Don't Feel That Every Response Or Next Action Needs To Be Immediate: When you are counting your marriage by the day, it is understandable that you are going to feel rushed. However, many wives make the mistake of allowing this to make them feel as if every thing about this situation is so immediate. So, if their husband sends them a questionable text or email, they will hit respond and fire off an overly emotional or even nasty response before they even have a chance to think about it. Always give yourself enough time to make the best decision. Don't appear so desperate and so invested that you can't even allow a few minutes to go by before you respond.
You actually want to slow the pace of this whole process down rather than speed it up. And taking some time to think through what you are going to do or say will often make your message much more appropriate and well received. Don't be carried away due to limited time restraints. Take a breath and slow down.
Don't Always Assume The Worst Case Scenario: Many wives assume that their husband's exit out of their lives is a done deal. It's not out of the question for people to get back together before the divorce is final. It's not even all that uncommon for people to remarry after their divorce is final. You never really know what tomorrow brings. Things make look bad or even dire right now, but the future may pleasantly surprise you.
Often, if you can take the calm, rational, and helpful approach, you will find that your husband will follow your lead. Sometimes, he will even pause and wonder what brought about your change in attitude. Sometimes, this even mean he reaches out to you or tries to spend more time with you to see what is behind this. These are all very positive things.
I know that being calm in the face of a divorce is a very difficult thing for anyone to ask. But if you think about it rationally. What is the alternative? To freak out and do or say things that are only going to make this situation worse? Make your husband think that you are overly emotional, unstable, or not pleasant to be around so that he can't divorce you fast enough? You don't want any of these things, of course. And calming down can be a low price to pay for slowing the pace and eventually improving your situation.
If you have to, you can create some physical distance. In my own case, I went home and visited my parents and my old friends. This changed my state of mind and my husband was able to see this. Not only that, but he became curious about the changes he was seeing. And this was the beginning of my turning things around and saving my marriage. If it helps, you can read [http://isavedmymarriage.com]the whole story on my blog at [http://isavedmymarriage.com/]http://isavedmymarriage.com.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Tips-For-Staying-Calm-When-Your-Husband-Is-Asking-For-A-Separation-Or-Divorce&id=6641645] Tips For Staying Calm When Your Husband Is Asking For A Separation Or Divorce
I sometimes hear from wives who have read that it's best to remain calm when your husband is asking for or saying that he wants a divorce. The reason for this is that your panic can cause you to do or say all of the wrong things and to make the divorce that much more likely. This makes sense on the surface. Saying that you should remain calm is easy. But actually doing it can be very difficult if not impossible. When what you fear the most is staring you right in face, it can be very difficult to reign in your feelings.
I heard from a wife who said: "I know that I should be calm and shouldn't panic, but this is a divorce that we are talking about. This is my life. This is my marriage. We are talking about the heart and not about our heads. How are you supposed to remain calm when the man who you love most in the world, and the father of your children, is telling you that he wants a divorce? I want to keep my cool, but I just don't see how I can."
Believe it or not, I intimately understand this topic. I was anything but calm when my own husband told me he wanted a separation and then divorce. And I fully realize that I am advising you to be calm when I myself was anything but. With that said, my inability to remain calm meant that I panicked. As a result, I acted in such a way that made my husband want to divorce me that much more quickly. My feeling toward and advice about remaining level headed is the direct result of the mistakes I made that almost cost me my marriage. However, changing course wasn't easy, especially since I had gotten into the habit of overreaching. But, through trial, error, and the knowledge that I had to change or lose my husband, I found some ways to calm myself down. I will share them with you below.
Keep Yourself Busy With Things You Actually Enjoy: You are going to feel the void of your husband more deeply if you dwell on it in a house where he is not present. I know that you might feel as if you just want to stay home and look at wedding photos while listening to your song. But, if you do these things, you're likely to be negatively affected by this and be inspired to do something that you might later regret.
It truly is best to keep yourself busy so you don't have the time to dwell on something to which you don't yet know the outcome. A divorce isn't granted over night. You may not have endless time, but you often have some time. If you spend that time nagging, following, or arguing with your husband, you aren't going to help your cause very much.
But, if you spend that time remaining busy and doing the things that allow you to act and respond more positively, then this is very likely to help your cause. Many wives do understand this on an intellectual level, but then when it comes down to actually calming down and backing up, they don't know where to start.
You start with what generally brings you happiness. Those friends, hobbies, and places that you have always loved but which you were too busy and too occupied to pay attention to before. Surround yourself with the people, places, and things that bring you some sort of comfort or peace. Doing this will accomplish many things for you, one of which just may be improving your interactions with your husband because you are more calm when you approach him.
Don't Feel That Every Response Or Next Action Needs To Be Immediate: When you are counting your marriage by the day, it is understandable that you are going to feel rushed. However, many wives make the mistake of allowing this to make them feel as if every thing about this situation is so immediate. So, if their husband sends them a questionable text or email, they will hit respond and fire off an overly emotional or even nasty response before they even have a chance to think about it. Always give yourself enough time to make the best decision. Don't appear so desperate and so invested that you can't even allow a few minutes to go by before you respond.
You actually want to slow the pace of this whole process down rather than speed it up. And taking some time to think through what you are going to do or say will often make your message much more appropriate and well received. Don't be carried away due to limited time restraints. Take a breath and slow down.
Don't Always Assume The Worst Case Scenario: Many wives assume that their husband's exit out of their lives is a done deal. It's not out of the question for people to get back together before the divorce is final. It's not even all that uncommon for people to remarry after their divorce is final. You never really know what tomorrow brings. Things make look bad or even dire right now, but the future may pleasantly surprise you.
Often, if you can take the calm, rational, and helpful approach, you will find that your husband will follow your lead. Sometimes, he will even pause and wonder what brought about your change in attitude. Sometimes, this even mean he reaches out to you or tries to spend more time with you to see what is behind this. These are all very positive things.
I know that being calm in the face of a divorce is a very difficult thing for anyone to ask. But if you think about it rationally. What is the alternative? To freak out and do or say things that are only going to make this situation worse? Make your husband think that you are overly emotional, unstable, or not pleasant to be around so that he can't divorce you fast enough? You don't want any of these things, of course. And calming down can be a low price to pay for slowing the pace and eventually improving your situation.
If you have to, you can create some physical distance. In my own case, I went home and visited my parents and my old friends. This changed my state of mind and my husband was able to see this. Not only that, but he became curious about the changes he was seeing. And this was the beginning of my turning things around and saving my marriage. If it helps, you can read [http://isavedmymarriage.com]the whole story on my blog at [http://isavedmymarriage.com/]http://isavedmymarriage.com.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Tips-For-Staying-Calm-When-Your-Husband-Is-Asking-For-A-Separation-Or-Divorce&id=6641645] Tips For Staying Calm When Your Husband Is Asking For A Separation Or Divorce
Monday, January 16, 2012
How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over? Signs to Be Aware Of
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gillian_Reynolds]Gillian Reynolds
How do you know when your marriage is over? It's a loaded question and if you're the person asking it, you already have a fairly good idea of where your marriage stands. Things obviously aren't where they were on the day you two married. Perhaps you and your spouse just don't talk as much as you used to or maybe the two of you can't seem to communicate without a roaring argument erupting each and every time. Regardless of what's been happening, the fact of the matter is that things aren't in a good place. It's very easy for a couple to overlook their marital issues and just continue down the distant and disconnected course they're on. Burying your head in the sand in this way won't help either you or your spouse. You both deserve more than a hollow connection. Understanding the signs that your marriage is over will help you and your partner decide whether your relationship is worth saving or whether it's time to walk away before any more damage is done.
There are a series of warning signs that indicate when a couple is struggling seriously within their relationship. These signs include:
The goals of one spouse don't coincide with the other. We all have our own unique idea of what our life will be like at any given point. When we marry we do so because we envision that relationship as being a fulfilling part of our life's journey. When a person starts to view their future without consideration about how the marriage fits into the plan, things are on very shaky ground. An example is when one spouse is considering a permanent move to a new city or a career shift into a new direction. If those goals are entertained without consulting the other spouse, the marriage is clearly not at the top of that person's priority list.
One spouse has become increasingly verbally abusive towards the other. Verbal abuse comes in many forms. For some couples it centers on one spouse constantly criticizing the other in a very derogatory way. This may be in the forms of disparaging comments about the other partner's appearance or their choice in friends or work. Verbal abuse often occurs in arguments when one partner takes to calling their spouse names riddled with anger. If a person feels victimized verbally by their spouse it's a very clear and serious sign that the relationship is unhealthy and emotionally dangerous.
There is no longer an emotional investment. There are obviously many crucial elements to a balanced, fulfilling and happy marriage. One key element is a strong and unwavering emotional investment in one another. You have to care deeply for your spouse as not only your life partner, but as a human being as well. If you or your spouse have become so emotionally disconnected that you no longer care whether the other is happy, that's a sign of a marriage in very serious trouble.
Obviously, there are many more signs that are indicative of a marriage that has hit a crisis point. If you're still unsure whether you and your spouse are simply going through a rough patch or if your marriage is racing towards divorce, consider the state of your connection now as compared to several months or years ago. If there's a noticeable difference in a negative sense, that's a clear sign that you and your spouse need to address the problems you are facing now. Ignoring a marriage that is free falling towards destruction will not remedy it. It's time to work with your spouse to decide together what your next step will be.
Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to [http://www.adviceonmarriageproblems.com]get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.
You can [http://www.adviceonmarriageproblems.com]save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Do-You-Know-When-Your-Marriage-Is-Over?-Signs-to-Be-Aware-Of&id=6641674] How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over? Signs to Be Aware Of
How do you know when your marriage is over? It's a loaded question and if you're the person asking it, you already have a fairly good idea of where your marriage stands. Things obviously aren't where they were on the day you two married. Perhaps you and your spouse just don't talk as much as you used to or maybe the two of you can't seem to communicate without a roaring argument erupting each and every time. Regardless of what's been happening, the fact of the matter is that things aren't in a good place. It's very easy for a couple to overlook their marital issues and just continue down the distant and disconnected course they're on. Burying your head in the sand in this way won't help either you or your spouse. You both deserve more than a hollow connection. Understanding the signs that your marriage is over will help you and your partner decide whether your relationship is worth saving or whether it's time to walk away before any more damage is done.
There are a series of warning signs that indicate when a couple is struggling seriously within their relationship. These signs include:
The goals of one spouse don't coincide with the other. We all have our own unique idea of what our life will be like at any given point. When we marry we do so because we envision that relationship as being a fulfilling part of our life's journey. When a person starts to view their future without consideration about how the marriage fits into the plan, things are on very shaky ground. An example is when one spouse is considering a permanent move to a new city or a career shift into a new direction. If those goals are entertained without consulting the other spouse, the marriage is clearly not at the top of that person's priority list.
One spouse has become increasingly verbally abusive towards the other. Verbal abuse comes in many forms. For some couples it centers on one spouse constantly criticizing the other in a very derogatory way. This may be in the forms of disparaging comments about the other partner's appearance or their choice in friends or work. Verbal abuse often occurs in arguments when one partner takes to calling their spouse names riddled with anger. If a person feels victimized verbally by their spouse it's a very clear and serious sign that the relationship is unhealthy and emotionally dangerous.
There is no longer an emotional investment. There are obviously many crucial elements to a balanced, fulfilling and happy marriage. One key element is a strong and unwavering emotional investment in one another. You have to care deeply for your spouse as not only your life partner, but as a human being as well. If you or your spouse have become so emotionally disconnected that you no longer care whether the other is happy, that's a sign of a marriage in very serious trouble.
Obviously, there are many more signs that are indicative of a marriage that has hit a crisis point. If you're still unsure whether you and your spouse are simply going through a rough patch or if your marriage is racing towards divorce, consider the state of your connection now as compared to several months or years ago. If there's a noticeable difference in a negative sense, that's a clear sign that you and your spouse need to address the problems you are facing now. Ignoring a marriage that is free falling towards destruction will not remedy it. It's time to work with your spouse to decide together what your next step will be.
Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to [http://www.adviceonmarriageproblems.com]get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.
You can [http://www.adviceonmarriageproblems.com]save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Do-You-Know-When-Your-Marriage-Is-Over?-Signs-to-Be-Aware-Of&id=6641674] How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over? Signs to Be Aware Of
Saturday, January 14, 2012
5 Reasons Husbands Feel Vulnerable in Marriage
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham]Steve Wickham
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make are holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor...
~Ephesians 5:25-27a (NRSV).
The model for marriage that the Apostle Paul sets out for Christians (Ephesians 5:21-33) fits with marriage universally. Here we acknowledge God constructed, instituted, and blesses marriage by the Divine code set out in sections of the Bible like these.
Yet, there might hardly be a more dividing subject so far as the home is concerned. This is because we polarise between the roles, responsibilities, and needs of men and women in marriage. Too easily we find marriage requirements put in the 'too hard' basket. We are, after all, speaking about an illustration - Christ the husband, and the wife as the church.
Any husband who seriously contemplates such a tall order - to be compared with consummate Perfection - will without doubt begin to hesitate over his capability, and even suitability, for the role. It's clearly not God's will for the husband to feel hopeless against the Christian ideal of marriage. Still, many have.
There is a flip side to the requirements of the husband; whilst his model is Christ - unreservedly and unapologetically so - there is a need for reassurance.
Five reasons husbands feel vulnerable in marriage - against the biblical standard - are:
1. MANY HUSBANDS STRUGGLE TO LOVE THEIR WIVES
The reasons for this are many, notwithstanding the common one: he may not even love himself (Ephesians 5:28-29). Many, many men struggle deeply with identity issues and a cover for this is either of/or both extremes: chauvinism or timidity. In other words, he's either a bully or a weak pushover. Any self-assured woman would not want either.
Men cannot love their wives, their children, their extended family, or anybody else for that matter until they accept themselves.
The wife has an important part to play in supporting her husband's self-image to that end, so that not only would he be capable of loving her, but he would also be capable of loving every human being. Without doubt the husband has the same responsibility; let's not forget his standard is already loftier than all other standards.
Even the most well-adjusted husband will, at times, struggle with self-acceptance and, therefore, self-love. He will, during such times, consequently, struggle in his ability to love his wife.
2. HUSBANDS, LIKE WIVES, STRUGGLE TO SACRIFICE
Perhaps the modern pleasure-zone has exacerbated this problem.
The Scripture tells us the husband is supposed to serve his wife, by sacrificing his needs for hers. And yet, the wife is to submit (Ephesians 5:22). Modern convenience has made it hard for them both, but not impossible.
Our flesh is the biggest problem - self-centredness has no gender exclusivity.
But as the husband considers, with earnestness, that he is to give himself up for his wife, he knows he can do it most of the time, or even some of time. Equally, and this is a sad truth, he knows he can't do it all the time. He feels vulnerable, perhaps, because he is back at 'square one' too often. (And, many men, as with many women, struggle with illogical perfectionism problems.)
3. MAKING HIS WIFE 'HOLY' CAN SEEM AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK
Giving "himself up for her" necessarily leads to "making her holy."
With that condition in mind, and surmising that wives no doubt have similar - if not the same - human issues and limitations to deal with as husbands do, we can understand the husband feeling vulnerable about his capacity to achieve the mandate.
Not that he shirks the issue. The Christian husband knows, most certainly, he's under the covering of grace at all times. Only the devil makes us feel condemned. Still, that happens; occasionally we feel condemned.
4. LEADING THE FAMILY PROPERLY CAN SEEM AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK
As leader of his family, nurturing their spiritual growth can seem a huge task, particularly considering the challenges of the teen years. Nothing makes a man or woman feel more humbled, and at times hopeless, than parenting does.
Yet, one of the most important roles for any husband, with its direct impact on his wife, is how consistently well he nurtures the children and the entire family. Men love their wives by appropriately loving their children.
A husband cannot, foreseeably, reach his goal as husband without achieving this. He knows it deep in his heart, and yet he feels vulnerable; perhaps even (often enough) a failure.
5. DEVELOPING HIS WIFE'S FULL POTENTIAL IS A LOADED ROLE
Giving control to anyone for the results of another person is a loaded role, though we need to be careful; the husband is just supporting his wife, enabling or empowering her to become everything she needs to be.
Justifiably, if the husband looks back on 10 or 20 years of marriage and sees little evidence that she's made her self-desired progress on her journey, he will no doubt - even for a moment - consider that he is failing. That would make anybody feel vulnerable.
***
In this day and age we truly need to be careful. Whilst the cards were stacked against women and wives 20-60 years ago, the trend has - in some ways - possibly been equalised too far. (Yet, there are still important landings for women that haven't been reached, like equal pay.)
For instance, the stereotypical Homer Simpson image of husband has devalued the vital role husbands' play. When we continually throw mixed messages at either husband or wife - and in the husband's case it's 'macho' one-minute, 'timid' the next - we can be sure feelings of ongoing uncertainty will be valid and this will not make for good, capable, loving husbands.
So, what am I saying to wives here?
Value your husband, appreciating the steepness in God's standard of him of care toward you and the family. This is neither pitying him, nor criticising him for not reaching the standard. Instead, it's encouraging him to be everything - with Divine grace - that God has destined him to be.
Good husbands will fail, but the important issue is, are they trying? Mistakes are learning opportunities; all that God expects - for husbands and wives - is that we will be avid learners, centrally in marriage, all through our lives.
� 2011 S. J. Wickham.
Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blog is at: [http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/]http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?5-Reasons-Husbands-Feel-Vulnerable-in-Marriage&id=6627942] 5 Reasons Husbands Feel Vulnerable in Marriage
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make are holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor...
~Ephesians 5:25-27a (NRSV).
The model for marriage that the Apostle Paul sets out for Christians (Ephesians 5:21-33) fits with marriage universally. Here we acknowledge God constructed, instituted, and blesses marriage by the Divine code set out in sections of the Bible like these.
Yet, there might hardly be a more dividing subject so far as the home is concerned. This is because we polarise between the roles, responsibilities, and needs of men and women in marriage. Too easily we find marriage requirements put in the 'too hard' basket. We are, after all, speaking about an illustration - Christ the husband, and the wife as the church.
Any husband who seriously contemplates such a tall order - to be compared with consummate Perfection - will without doubt begin to hesitate over his capability, and even suitability, for the role. It's clearly not God's will for the husband to feel hopeless against the Christian ideal of marriage. Still, many have.
There is a flip side to the requirements of the husband; whilst his model is Christ - unreservedly and unapologetically so - there is a need for reassurance.
Five reasons husbands feel vulnerable in marriage - against the biblical standard - are:
1. MANY HUSBANDS STRUGGLE TO LOVE THEIR WIVES
The reasons for this are many, notwithstanding the common one: he may not even love himself (Ephesians 5:28-29). Many, many men struggle deeply with identity issues and a cover for this is either of/or both extremes: chauvinism or timidity. In other words, he's either a bully or a weak pushover. Any self-assured woman would not want either.
Men cannot love their wives, their children, their extended family, or anybody else for that matter until they accept themselves.
The wife has an important part to play in supporting her husband's self-image to that end, so that not only would he be capable of loving her, but he would also be capable of loving every human being. Without doubt the husband has the same responsibility; let's not forget his standard is already loftier than all other standards.
Even the most well-adjusted husband will, at times, struggle with self-acceptance and, therefore, self-love. He will, during such times, consequently, struggle in his ability to love his wife.
2. HUSBANDS, LIKE WIVES, STRUGGLE TO SACRIFICE
Perhaps the modern pleasure-zone has exacerbated this problem.
The Scripture tells us the husband is supposed to serve his wife, by sacrificing his needs for hers. And yet, the wife is to submit (Ephesians 5:22). Modern convenience has made it hard for them both, but not impossible.
Our flesh is the biggest problem - self-centredness has no gender exclusivity.
But as the husband considers, with earnestness, that he is to give himself up for his wife, he knows he can do it most of the time, or even some of time. Equally, and this is a sad truth, he knows he can't do it all the time. He feels vulnerable, perhaps, because he is back at 'square one' too often. (And, many men, as with many women, struggle with illogical perfectionism problems.)
3. MAKING HIS WIFE 'HOLY' CAN SEEM AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK
Giving "himself up for her" necessarily leads to "making her holy."
With that condition in mind, and surmising that wives no doubt have similar - if not the same - human issues and limitations to deal with as husbands do, we can understand the husband feeling vulnerable about his capacity to achieve the mandate.
Not that he shirks the issue. The Christian husband knows, most certainly, he's under the covering of grace at all times. Only the devil makes us feel condemned. Still, that happens; occasionally we feel condemned.
4. LEADING THE FAMILY PROPERLY CAN SEEM AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK
As leader of his family, nurturing their spiritual growth can seem a huge task, particularly considering the challenges of the teen years. Nothing makes a man or woman feel more humbled, and at times hopeless, than parenting does.
Yet, one of the most important roles for any husband, with its direct impact on his wife, is how consistently well he nurtures the children and the entire family. Men love their wives by appropriately loving their children.
A husband cannot, foreseeably, reach his goal as husband without achieving this. He knows it deep in his heart, and yet he feels vulnerable; perhaps even (often enough) a failure.
5. DEVELOPING HIS WIFE'S FULL POTENTIAL IS A LOADED ROLE
Giving control to anyone for the results of another person is a loaded role, though we need to be careful; the husband is just supporting his wife, enabling or empowering her to become everything she needs to be.
Justifiably, if the husband looks back on 10 or 20 years of marriage and sees little evidence that she's made her self-desired progress on her journey, he will no doubt - even for a moment - consider that he is failing. That would make anybody feel vulnerable.
***
In this day and age we truly need to be careful. Whilst the cards were stacked against women and wives 20-60 years ago, the trend has - in some ways - possibly been equalised too far. (Yet, there are still important landings for women that haven't been reached, like equal pay.)
For instance, the stereotypical Homer Simpson image of husband has devalued the vital role husbands' play. When we continually throw mixed messages at either husband or wife - and in the husband's case it's 'macho' one-minute, 'timid' the next - we can be sure feelings of ongoing uncertainty will be valid and this will not make for good, capable, loving husbands.
So, what am I saying to wives here?
Value your husband, appreciating the steepness in God's standard of him of care toward you and the family. This is neither pitying him, nor criticising him for not reaching the standard. Instead, it's encouraging him to be everything - with Divine grace - that God has destined him to be.
Good husbands will fail, but the important issue is, are they trying? Mistakes are learning opportunities; all that God expects - for husbands and wives - is that we will be avid learners, centrally in marriage, all through our lives.
� 2011 S. J. Wickham.
Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blog is at: [http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/]http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?5-Reasons-Husbands-Feel-Vulnerable-in-Marriage&id=6627942] 5 Reasons Husbands Feel Vulnerable in Marriage
Thursday, January 12, 2012
4 Essential Keys to a Marvelous Marriage
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Frank_Fratarcangeli]Frank Fratarcangeli
Are you looking for helpful tips to make your marriage a marvelous one? Life seems to rush by quickly causing us to overlook vital keys to establish a thriving marriage so let's not waste anymore time and get right to the point. Take a deep breath, we'll soon cover all the topics that a marriage advisor would without the hefty bill!
Are you aware of some of the most efficient methods associated in a successful marriage? Love is the 1st step and we are not just talking about bedroom love nor soul mate love for that matter. We are mentioning an immense love, as in a heart felt empathy for that person. A love that genuinely has a desire to see that person happy. When a genuine love exists you show more patience, you listen attentively and you close the book on any childish mind games. You realize that making aggressive demands is not the solution and absolutely would never contemplate hurting your partner physically or emotionally.
I would warn you not to make sex a focal point even though it is a key factor to keeping a relationship youthful and exciting. Unplanned sex is a great remedy for relationship boredom. Researching a few sex & romance guides could be rather rewarding. Become equally acquainted with the patient, giving, compassionate, and empathetic side of love.
The second step is to better your ways of communicating. Statistical evidence of married couples show that the correct means of communication are missing or simply nonexistent. Learning to communicate properly will tremendously enhance your relationship. This includes always listening to what your partner is saying, talking with a no nonsense approach and at all times being honest with each other. Lack of communication is the leading cause of divorce today.
Step number 3 to creating a fulfilling marriage is compromise. Being the victor of a fight large or small is not the goal nor is it a compromising practice. Compromise involves self-sacrifice and it is an essential tool needed to have a long, loving marriage filled with happiness. Partners that fail to compromise will undoubtedly damage their relationships while causing separation and ultimately divorce.
Lastly, the importance of sharing like interests will be discussed. If you and your partner have drastically different goals and interests then it will obviously be more difficult to maintain a happy partnership. A strong foundation for a marriage is fostered by interests that are parallel and closely similar. If your partnership has run into some trouble, attempt to relive the moments that made your marriage incredible while creating more great last memories together. People are always growing, who knows maybe you can both discover a new interest that refreshes your relationship and rejuvenates your marriage to make it a long, happy, successful journey in this remarkable adventure of life together.
Hopefully this helped & good luck on repairing your relationship or simply get that long lost romance back.
Check out this website for more information on Marriage and Relationships. http://www.marriagerejuvenation.com/500-lovemaking-tips-review.php http://www.marriagerejuvenation.com/save-my-marriage-today-review.php
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?4-Essential-Keys-to-a-Marvelous-Marriage&id=6617824] 4 Essential Keys to a Marvelous Marriage
Are you looking for helpful tips to make your marriage a marvelous one? Life seems to rush by quickly causing us to overlook vital keys to establish a thriving marriage so let's not waste anymore time and get right to the point. Take a deep breath, we'll soon cover all the topics that a marriage advisor would without the hefty bill!
Are you aware of some of the most efficient methods associated in a successful marriage? Love is the 1st step and we are not just talking about bedroom love nor soul mate love for that matter. We are mentioning an immense love, as in a heart felt empathy for that person. A love that genuinely has a desire to see that person happy. When a genuine love exists you show more patience, you listen attentively and you close the book on any childish mind games. You realize that making aggressive demands is not the solution and absolutely would never contemplate hurting your partner physically or emotionally.
I would warn you not to make sex a focal point even though it is a key factor to keeping a relationship youthful and exciting. Unplanned sex is a great remedy for relationship boredom. Researching a few sex & romance guides could be rather rewarding. Become equally acquainted with the patient, giving, compassionate, and empathetic side of love.
The second step is to better your ways of communicating. Statistical evidence of married couples show that the correct means of communication are missing or simply nonexistent. Learning to communicate properly will tremendously enhance your relationship. This includes always listening to what your partner is saying, talking with a no nonsense approach and at all times being honest with each other. Lack of communication is the leading cause of divorce today.
Step number 3 to creating a fulfilling marriage is compromise. Being the victor of a fight large or small is not the goal nor is it a compromising practice. Compromise involves self-sacrifice and it is an essential tool needed to have a long, loving marriage filled with happiness. Partners that fail to compromise will undoubtedly damage their relationships while causing separation and ultimately divorce.
Lastly, the importance of sharing like interests will be discussed. If you and your partner have drastically different goals and interests then it will obviously be more difficult to maintain a happy partnership. A strong foundation for a marriage is fostered by interests that are parallel and closely similar. If your partnership has run into some trouble, attempt to relive the moments that made your marriage incredible while creating more great last memories together. People are always growing, who knows maybe you can both discover a new interest that refreshes your relationship and rejuvenates your marriage to make it a long, happy, successful journey in this remarkable adventure of life together.
Hopefully this helped & good luck on repairing your relationship or simply get that long lost romance back.
Check out this website for more information on Marriage and Relationships. http://www.marriagerejuvenation.com/500-lovemaking-tips-review.php http://www.marriagerejuvenation.com/save-my-marriage-today-review.php
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?4-Essential-Keys-to-a-Marvelous-Marriage&id=6617824] 4 Essential Keys to a Marvelous Marriage
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Are You Cursing Your Sex Life?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gina_Parris]Gina Parris
"Our sex life is terrible."
"My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time."
"It would be just fine with me if we never had sex again."
"How can I not feel like crap when he never desires me?"
"All he cares about is sex, sex, sex."
Variations of these complaints come across my inbox every day. I understand.
And yet...
It occurs to me that sometimes the words I'm seeing in my inbox or hearing from someone's mouth have been rehearsed. Again. And again.
Have you ever been so angry/hurt/disappointed that you found yourself stewing over your mate's faults? Have you felt that you would find relief by somehow articulating just how bad it really is? In fact, you can find yourself blind to all that is good and meditate on all that is bad, crappy, sexless.
It's easy to do.
And you are welcome to do it.
However, words carry power.
Words stir up our heart in a certain direction.
Words galvanize the meaning we give to experiences.
Really - we could just as easily speak different words, rearrange our focus, and come up with different meaning about the issues we face.
We can't change the past, but we can change the meaning we give to past events, and transform our reality.
But what do "blessing" and "cursing" really mean?
There are dictionary definitions for these terms, but for our purpose I'm going to define the words like this:
Bless - verb: to release life, happiness, healing and wholeness to a situation or person, more specifically, to release a situation or a person to the very will of God.
Curse - verb: to speak death, misery, sickness, or human judgment, against a situation or person.
What we often don't realize is that when we take it upon ourselves to be the releaser of the curse, we take that situation out of God's hands and into our own.
God is a curse breaker. His ways are infinitely above ours.
Here's the rub:
Very often "calling it like we see it," is nothing more than cursing cloaked as observation.
Faith does not call it like it is. Faith calls those things that are NOT as though they were.
This is as true in our sex life as anywhere.
So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it:
Stop cursing your sex life.
Stop pointing out to yourself all this is wrong with your mate, or even your self.
Call forth what you'd like to see, what you believe is truly the highest plan for your marriage.
It's impossible to do so without an accompanying feeling of gratitude.
Let's give examples from above.
Instead of,
"Our sex life is terrible."
Say, feel and lay hold of - "Our sex life is turning around, even when I can't see how!"
Instead of,
"My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time."
Say, feel and be open to:
"Even though I've taken things personally in the past, I am seeing how to become more and more attractive to my wife."
"All these issues are part of our success story."
"I love that woman and she loves me."
You get the idea.
I am not saying this will be easy.
Not saying you won't feel like a liar.
But even if you WERE lying, did you know that a lie heard often enough becomes believed as truth? Why not "brainwash" yourself with life-giving thoughts?
For just 2 weeks, ask for your eyes to be opened to how often you release the curse.
Make the decision to release blessing.
I had to do this when my husband came home from the Gulf. After the first month, the adjustment to each other was suddenly unbelievably awkward.
I'll talk more about that another time.
The good news is, we are stronger than ever, and you can be too.
If you would like to recapture the passion in your marriage intimacy and have a love life that is sizzling, sexy and sacred, than get your free audio and report: Five Keys to Really Great Sex Tonight from Relationship expert, Gina Parris at http://www.WinningAtRomance.com
Gina Parris is an international speaker, performance coach and a champion for sexy marriages and healthy relationships.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Are-You-Cursing-Your-Sex-Life?&id=6622986] Are You Cursing Your Sex Life?
"Our sex life is terrible."
"My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time."
"It would be just fine with me if we never had sex again."
"How can I not feel like crap when he never desires me?"
"All he cares about is sex, sex, sex."
Variations of these complaints come across my inbox every day. I understand.
And yet...
It occurs to me that sometimes the words I'm seeing in my inbox or hearing from someone's mouth have been rehearsed. Again. And again.
Have you ever been so angry/hurt/disappointed that you found yourself stewing over your mate's faults? Have you felt that you would find relief by somehow articulating just how bad it really is? In fact, you can find yourself blind to all that is good and meditate on all that is bad, crappy, sexless.
It's easy to do.
And you are welcome to do it.
However, words carry power.
Words stir up our heart in a certain direction.
Words galvanize the meaning we give to experiences.
Really - we could just as easily speak different words, rearrange our focus, and come up with different meaning about the issues we face.
We can't change the past, but we can change the meaning we give to past events, and transform our reality.
But what do "blessing" and "cursing" really mean?
There are dictionary definitions for these terms, but for our purpose I'm going to define the words like this:
Bless - verb: to release life, happiness, healing and wholeness to a situation or person, more specifically, to release a situation or a person to the very will of God.
Curse - verb: to speak death, misery, sickness, or human judgment, against a situation or person.
What we often don't realize is that when we take it upon ourselves to be the releaser of the curse, we take that situation out of God's hands and into our own.
God is a curse breaker. His ways are infinitely above ours.
Here's the rub:
Very often "calling it like we see it," is nothing more than cursing cloaked as observation.
Faith does not call it like it is. Faith calls those things that are NOT as though they were.
This is as true in our sex life as anywhere.
So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it:
Stop cursing your sex life.
Stop pointing out to yourself all this is wrong with your mate, or even your self.
Call forth what you'd like to see, what you believe is truly the highest plan for your marriage.
It's impossible to do so without an accompanying feeling of gratitude.
Let's give examples from above.
Instead of,
"Our sex life is terrible."
Say, feel and lay hold of - "Our sex life is turning around, even when I can't see how!"
Instead of,
"My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time."
Say, feel and be open to:
"Even though I've taken things personally in the past, I am seeing how to become more and more attractive to my wife."
"All these issues are part of our success story."
"I love that woman and she loves me."
You get the idea.
I am not saying this will be easy.
Not saying you won't feel like a liar.
But even if you WERE lying, did you know that a lie heard often enough becomes believed as truth? Why not "brainwash" yourself with life-giving thoughts?
For just 2 weeks, ask for your eyes to be opened to how often you release the curse.
Make the decision to release blessing.
I had to do this when my husband came home from the Gulf. After the first month, the adjustment to each other was suddenly unbelievably awkward.
I'll talk more about that another time.
The good news is, we are stronger than ever, and you can be too.
If you would like to recapture the passion in your marriage intimacy and have a love life that is sizzling, sexy and sacred, than get your free audio and report: Five Keys to Really Great Sex Tonight from Relationship expert, Gina Parris at http://www.WinningAtRomance.com
Gina Parris is an international speaker, performance coach and a champion for sexy marriages and healthy relationships.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Are-You-Cursing-Your-Sex-Life?&id=6622986] Are You Cursing Your Sex Life?
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Tips for Avoiding Financial Arguments
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Corrie_Petersen]Corrie Petersen
Being married is not an easy task. One day things can be going perfectly and the next you could be arguing about something. Things can change very quickly depending on the situation you're in and what you have going on.
One thing that seems to cause a lot of problems in a marriage happens to be money. If you've found you argue with your spouse about the lack of money or how you should spend your money, you're not the only one. This is common and happens to more people then you may think.
Money is not something you can remove from the situation, so it's something you must deal with on a regular basis. When you communicate with each other you'll be able to get through almost anything. You need to talk through any problems and concerns and it's also important to handle the bills together so you both know what's going on. When there are no surprises things will be better.
A large number of arguments between married couples are caused by the finances. It's hard to handle money when you don't have enough of it to get you through the month. It's also hard when you don't agree on how you use your money. This is why it's important to communicate with each other know matter how bad or good your finances may be.
If you find yourself arguing with your spouse about finances, stop what you're doing and take a deep breath. Pull all of your bills and sit down at the table together. Create a list of all your bills, due dates, and monthly payment amounts. Put this list in a place where you'll both have access and each time you get paid, sit down together to pay them. When you do this, you'll feel better about everything.
Corrie Petersen has been happily married since 1993 and she is very much in love with her husband Kevin. She has created a website that helps couples find things to do to keep their marriage alive. Go to [http://operationchristiancouples.com]OperationChristianCouples.com to visit her site at to see how she can help you with your marriage.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Tips-for-Avoiding-Financial-Arguments&id=6644551] Tips for Avoiding Financial Arguments
Being married is not an easy task. One day things can be going perfectly and the next you could be arguing about something. Things can change very quickly depending on the situation you're in and what you have going on.
One thing that seems to cause a lot of problems in a marriage happens to be money. If you've found you argue with your spouse about the lack of money or how you should spend your money, you're not the only one. This is common and happens to more people then you may think.
Money is not something you can remove from the situation, so it's something you must deal with on a regular basis. When you communicate with each other you'll be able to get through almost anything. You need to talk through any problems and concerns and it's also important to handle the bills together so you both know what's going on. When there are no surprises things will be better.
A large number of arguments between married couples are caused by the finances. It's hard to handle money when you don't have enough of it to get you through the month. It's also hard when you don't agree on how you use your money. This is why it's important to communicate with each other know matter how bad or good your finances may be.
If you find yourself arguing with your spouse about finances, stop what you're doing and take a deep breath. Pull all of your bills and sit down at the table together. Create a list of all your bills, due dates, and monthly payment amounts. Put this list in a place where you'll both have access and each time you get paid, sit down together to pay them. When you do this, you'll feel better about everything.
Corrie Petersen has been happily married since 1993 and she is very much in love with her husband Kevin. She has created a website that helps couples find things to do to keep their marriage alive. Go to [http://operationchristiancouples.com]OperationChristianCouples.com to visit her site at to see how she can help you with your marriage.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Tips-for-Avoiding-Financial-Arguments&id=6644551] Tips for Avoiding Financial Arguments
Friday, January 6, 2012
Christian Marriage Help: What Submission Is and Isn't
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Karla_Downing]Karla Downing
Are you looking for Christian marriage help? Are you wanting to know what submission is and isn't? Then, this article will answer your questions. Ephesians 5:22-24 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" (NIV). Sounds simple, but what does that really mean in a marriage?
Some interpret submission rigidly to say it is without exception. They say a woman has to obey without reservations and trust that God will cover her, lead her husband to make right decisions, and prevent her from being asked to do wrong. She should take all her appeals and concerns to God who will work through her husband rather than to her husband directly. Others say submission keeps a woman protected by her husband's covering and not submitting leaves her vulnerable to Satan's attacks.
Those teachings leave a woman unprotected from a husband who isn't taking care of her or loving her. In Ephesians 5:28-29, husbands are told to love their wives as they love and care for themselves. Men who don't know how to love themselves or their wives make decisions that are sometimes harmful to their wives, themselves, and their families. God can intervene to cover a woman and her children from the fallout of bad decisions by her husband, but he doesn't have to and he doesn't always do it. God expects us to live proactively and to do what is right. Passivity can be dangerous.
Scripture gives an exemption for submitting to authority. In Acts 5:29, Peter and the apostles defied the authorities when they were told to stop preaching saying, "We must obey God rather than men" (NIV). When doing wrong is involved, women can refuse to submit to any authority, including their husbands.
Submission is not a rigid edict to keep a woman from living her own life, making her own choices, or having boundaries. She is still a steward of her own life and talents and is expected to use them and will even answer for how she did to the Lord. A woman has the right and freedom to be a person and to express her desires and to say yes or no to what she is asked to do based on her conscious. She has a responsibility to protect her family, including her children. The Proverbs 31 woman was a strong, independent, and competent woman with responsibility and character.
Healthy marriages have a balanced partnership that includes taking the wants and needs of both people into consideration to reach an agreement with decisions. This is where submission comes in. When there is an impasse, someone has to decide. If a man is the primary leader with the responsibility to care for his family, then a woman can choose to submit to his leadership. She will have no problem trusting his decisions, if he loves her, loves himself, and loves his family.
This Christian relationship help has explained what submission is and isn't. To sum it up: submission is a choice that must be made with wisdom and discernment.
If you need more practical tips and Biblical truths to help you change your relationships, get my FREE "15-Day Relationship Challenge" designed to give you back the power over your life.
Just click here: http://www.free15daychallenge.com
Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Christian-Marriage-Help:-What-Submission-Is-and-Isnt&id=6645876] Christian Marriage Help: What Submission Is and Isn't
Are you looking for Christian marriage help? Are you wanting to know what submission is and isn't? Then, this article will answer your questions. Ephesians 5:22-24 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" (NIV). Sounds simple, but what does that really mean in a marriage?
Some interpret submission rigidly to say it is without exception. They say a woman has to obey without reservations and trust that God will cover her, lead her husband to make right decisions, and prevent her from being asked to do wrong. She should take all her appeals and concerns to God who will work through her husband rather than to her husband directly. Others say submission keeps a woman protected by her husband's covering and not submitting leaves her vulnerable to Satan's attacks.
Those teachings leave a woman unprotected from a husband who isn't taking care of her or loving her. In Ephesians 5:28-29, husbands are told to love their wives as they love and care for themselves. Men who don't know how to love themselves or their wives make decisions that are sometimes harmful to their wives, themselves, and their families. God can intervene to cover a woman and her children from the fallout of bad decisions by her husband, but he doesn't have to and he doesn't always do it. God expects us to live proactively and to do what is right. Passivity can be dangerous.
Scripture gives an exemption for submitting to authority. In Acts 5:29, Peter and the apostles defied the authorities when they were told to stop preaching saying, "We must obey God rather than men" (NIV). When doing wrong is involved, women can refuse to submit to any authority, including their husbands.
Submission is not a rigid edict to keep a woman from living her own life, making her own choices, or having boundaries. She is still a steward of her own life and talents and is expected to use them and will even answer for how she did to the Lord. A woman has the right and freedom to be a person and to express her desires and to say yes or no to what she is asked to do based on her conscious. She has a responsibility to protect her family, including her children. The Proverbs 31 woman was a strong, independent, and competent woman with responsibility and character.
Healthy marriages have a balanced partnership that includes taking the wants and needs of both people into consideration to reach an agreement with decisions. This is where submission comes in. When there is an impasse, someone has to decide. If a man is the primary leader with the responsibility to care for his family, then a woman can choose to submit to his leadership. She will have no problem trusting his decisions, if he loves her, loves himself, and loves his family.
This Christian relationship help has explained what submission is and isn't. To sum it up: submission is a choice that must be made with wisdom and discernment.
If you need more practical tips and Biblical truths to help you change your relationships, get my FREE "15-Day Relationship Challenge" designed to give you back the power over your life.
Just click here: http://www.free15daychallenge.com
Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Christian-Marriage-Help:-What-Submission-Is-and-Isnt&id=6645876] Christian Marriage Help: What Submission Is and Isn't
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Why Is It Taking So Long To Save My Marriage? Tips For When You're Losing Patience
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Leslie_Cane]Leslie Cane
I sometimes hear from people who are uncomfortable or impatient with the marriage saving process. Often, they aren't seeing the progress that they expected. And sometimes, they think that the whole process is taking way too long, considering the disappointing results. Many are dangerously close to giving up, due to their frustrations fueled by impatience.
I heard from a wife who said: "my husband and I have been trying to save our marriage for about six months. At first, we tried to improve things on our own. Things would seem to get better for a while but then we would find ourselves in the same old patterns with the same old problems. So we eventually tried counseling. Honestly, I had hoped that our results would be better. We seem to keep rehashing the same things with very little changes or improvements. I hadn't expected this process to be so slow. It's like a snail's pace and I'm not sure how much longer I can stand it. The counselor isn't cheap and sometimes I feel as if she drags it out to make more money off of us. Sometimes, I feel like maybe we should just call it quits and admit that we tried very hard, but we just couldn't make our marriage work. For how long do most couples try to work on or save their marriage? Because I'm starting to feel like we are hanging on for too long."
These are difficult questions to answer. Some couples will keep trying for as long as it takes to save their marriage and they don't stop until they are successful in creating the marriage that they want. And other couples do not have the patience to keep trying without some improvement or payoff. Others chose to believe that their problems are just too big to overcome. However, other couples in the exact same situation would not see the problems as insurmountable. So it often depends upon the personalities and the commitment levels of the spouses as well as the martial issues that they are trying to overcome.
Personally, I don't think that any amount of time is too long to try to save your marriage. You're talking about spending the rest of your life with this person. So if you need to put in the time to make it right, I don't think that this is too much to ask.
However, with that said, I do understand that there is times when the pace can feel excruciating. This can be especially true when you are paying a lot of money for something that isn't really working or when you feel as if you are doing all the giving and your spouse is doing all of the taking. So below, I will offer some tips on how to handle it if you're losing your patience with trying to work on or save your marriage.
What To Do When You're Losing Your Patience When Trying To Save Your Marriage Or Are Worried That The Process Is Taking Too Long: I find that people who question the length of time or the cost of the process tend to deep down be worried that the whole thing isn't going to work or that their marriage can't be saved so what is the point of all of the time and money, anyway?
Unfortunately, your thoughts can influence your reality, so if you are having these questioning thoughts, ask yourself what isn't working about the process of saving your marriage. Sometimes, when you dread going to counseling, you are not open at the process. There are times when finding the right counselor can make all of the difference. Plenty of people are able to save their marriages without counseling, though. And then there are others who will tell you that without a doubt, this professional help made saving their marriage possible. There really is not a right or wrong strategy. But there may be a strategy that is more or less right for you and for your marriage.
I often have people tell me that they feel as if they are doing all of the work and their spouse is just along for the ride or isn't really trying to the best of their ability. If this is the case, speak up rather than just continuing to be frustrated or feeling slighted.
People sometimes tell me that they continue to fight over the same old issues with no resolution and that they don't know how much longer they can continue to go around in circles. If this is the case, vow to not continue to do this. See if you and your spouse can agree to disagree or just vow to move forward with reconnecting while putting at least some of the issues on the back burner for the time being.
Sometimes, your problems can weigh you down so much that it's a struggle to even put one foot in front of the other. And when you are placing most of your focus on these problems, then the frustration is sometime magnified. You feel as if things are never ever going to get better. That's why it's sometimes advisable to shelf the problems for a little while and just focus on bonding with your spouse and looking at what is right rather than always dwelling what is wrong.
Because the truth is that it can take a good while to save your marriage. You are building a new and stronger foundation that will stand up to the challenges that you face. So it makes sense to make the process one that is actually pleasurable and fun rather than painful. If you are sitting there curling your toes or clenching your fists during the process, then ask yourself what is the major source of the stress. And then try to work around it or shelf it until you feel better able to cope with it.
Nothing says that this needs to be an excruciating process. It shouldn't be. And if you are asking yourself how much longer it is going to last or whether you have held on too long, then perhaps it's time to considering changing or tweaking your approach. There is nothing wrong with experimenting with different things until you are happy with the process.
Honestly, I thought that my husband and I tried to make our marriage work for far too long. Things never seemed to get any better until one day he left. It wasn't until I changed my outlook and my strategy that things improved and we eventually saved our marriage. If it helps, you can read that [http://isavedmymarriage.com]whole personal story on my blog at [http://isavedmymarriage.com/]http://isavedmymarriage.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Is-It-Taking-So-Long-To-Save-My-Marriage?-Tips-For-When-Youre-Losing-Patience&id=6646468] Why Is It Taking So Long To Save My Marriage? Tips For When You're Losing Patience
I sometimes hear from people who are uncomfortable or impatient with the marriage saving process. Often, they aren't seeing the progress that they expected. And sometimes, they think that the whole process is taking way too long, considering the disappointing results. Many are dangerously close to giving up, due to their frustrations fueled by impatience.
I heard from a wife who said: "my husband and I have been trying to save our marriage for about six months. At first, we tried to improve things on our own. Things would seem to get better for a while but then we would find ourselves in the same old patterns with the same old problems. So we eventually tried counseling. Honestly, I had hoped that our results would be better. We seem to keep rehashing the same things with very little changes or improvements. I hadn't expected this process to be so slow. It's like a snail's pace and I'm not sure how much longer I can stand it. The counselor isn't cheap and sometimes I feel as if she drags it out to make more money off of us. Sometimes, I feel like maybe we should just call it quits and admit that we tried very hard, but we just couldn't make our marriage work. For how long do most couples try to work on or save their marriage? Because I'm starting to feel like we are hanging on for too long."
These are difficult questions to answer. Some couples will keep trying for as long as it takes to save their marriage and they don't stop until they are successful in creating the marriage that they want. And other couples do not have the patience to keep trying without some improvement or payoff. Others chose to believe that their problems are just too big to overcome. However, other couples in the exact same situation would not see the problems as insurmountable. So it often depends upon the personalities and the commitment levels of the spouses as well as the martial issues that they are trying to overcome.
Personally, I don't think that any amount of time is too long to try to save your marriage. You're talking about spending the rest of your life with this person. So if you need to put in the time to make it right, I don't think that this is too much to ask.
However, with that said, I do understand that there is times when the pace can feel excruciating. This can be especially true when you are paying a lot of money for something that isn't really working or when you feel as if you are doing all the giving and your spouse is doing all of the taking. So below, I will offer some tips on how to handle it if you're losing your patience with trying to work on or save your marriage.
What To Do When You're Losing Your Patience When Trying To Save Your Marriage Or Are Worried That The Process Is Taking Too Long: I find that people who question the length of time or the cost of the process tend to deep down be worried that the whole thing isn't going to work or that their marriage can't be saved so what is the point of all of the time and money, anyway?
Unfortunately, your thoughts can influence your reality, so if you are having these questioning thoughts, ask yourself what isn't working about the process of saving your marriage. Sometimes, when you dread going to counseling, you are not open at the process. There are times when finding the right counselor can make all of the difference. Plenty of people are able to save their marriages without counseling, though. And then there are others who will tell you that without a doubt, this professional help made saving their marriage possible. There really is not a right or wrong strategy. But there may be a strategy that is more or less right for you and for your marriage.
I often have people tell me that they feel as if they are doing all of the work and their spouse is just along for the ride or isn't really trying to the best of their ability. If this is the case, speak up rather than just continuing to be frustrated or feeling slighted.
People sometimes tell me that they continue to fight over the same old issues with no resolution and that they don't know how much longer they can continue to go around in circles. If this is the case, vow to not continue to do this. See if you and your spouse can agree to disagree or just vow to move forward with reconnecting while putting at least some of the issues on the back burner for the time being.
Sometimes, your problems can weigh you down so much that it's a struggle to even put one foot in front of the other. And when you are placing most of your focus on these problems, then the frustration is sometime magnified. You feel as if things are never ever going to get better. That's why it's sometimes advisable to shelf the problems for a little while and just focus on bonding with your spouse and looking at what is right rather than always dwelling what is wrong.
Because the truth is that it can take a good while to save your marriage. You are building a new and stronger foundation that will stand up to the challenges that you face. So it makes sense to make the process one that is actually pleasurable and fun rather than painful. If you are sitting there curling your toes or clenching your fists during the process, then ask yourself what is the major source of the stress. And then try to work around it or shelf it until you feel better able to cope with it.
Nothing says that this needs to be an excruciating process. It shouldn't be. And if you are asking yourself how much longer it is going to last or whether you have held on too long, then perhaps it's time to considering changing or tweaking your approach. There is nothing wrong with experimenting with different things until you are happy with the process.
Honestly, I thought that my husband and I tried to make our marriage work for far too long. Things never seemed to get any better until one day he left. It wasn't until I changed my outlook and my strategy that things improved and we eventually saved our marriage. If it helps, you can read that [http://isavedmymarriage.com]whole personal story on my blog at [http://isavedmymarriage.com/]http://isavedmymarriage.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Is-It-Taking-So-Long-To-Save-My-Marriage?-Tips-For-When-Youre-Losing-Patience&id=6646468] Why Is It Taking So Long To Save My Marriage? Tips For When You're Losing Patience
Monday, January 2, 2012
My Wife Is Always Mean to Me! Why She Acts This Way
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gillian_Reynolds]Gillian Reynolds
We all cycle through good moods and bad ones. Those changes can be attributed to almost anything including stress at work, worrying over money and even a fall out with a friend. Individuals who have been married for any length of time know that sometimes our spouse happens to be the person who is forced to accept the bad moods. We tend to take our frustrations out on those closest to us and most friends will quickly take leave if they feel you're being grumpy or disrespectful. That's not the case with a partner. They are, in some ways, forced to listen to a barrage of negative comments and often they feel unsure of how to respond. This is what happens in many marriages when the wife is consistently in a bad mood. That can easily manifest itself into a mean attitude. Any husband on the receiving end of that is going to tire of it, and his wife, fairly quickly. If this sounds like the script to your life at the moment, take heart. Understanding why your wife acts in this manner is the first step towards dealing with it in a way that will give you the peace you need and will get your marriage back into a more respectful, caring place.
Every woman is unique in her own way but there are several common reasons why a wife takes on a negative demeanor, including:
She's unhappy with herself. Life has a way of flying by and before we know it, we're middle-aged, staring down the barrel of retirement and we haven't accomplished any of the things we thought we would when we were a bright, young, twenty-something. Just as men hit a point that is often described as "the mid-life crisis," many women do the very same thing. If your wife is unhappy with who she is at this point in her life that can easily manifest itself into anger that is directed squarely at you.
She's harbouring resentment from a past conflict. No one can hold a grudge as well as a wife. As a woman, I can easily attest to that fact. Women tend to be more emotional in general and if something is said by a husband in the heat of an argument moment, it can burn a hole in a woman's memory forever. Negative comments that are initiated through conflict can impact a woman in a very strong way. Those feelings of resentment can easily manifest themselves into anger. Your wife may be so upset with you over something you said to her months ago, that she just can't let it go. She's allowing her anger to boil over to the point that her main goal is simply to emotionally hurt you, in whatever way she can.
She's not satisfied with the marriage. Marriage is very much a journey. If you've been with your wife for some time you know that there are times when the journey is rewarding and fulfilling and other times when it becomes an endless struggle. Your wife's anger may be related to her feeling that the marriage isn't what it needs to be. Every woman wants to have an emotional connection with her husband that she can be proud of and that she embraces. If you two aren't as close as you once were, and she's feeling frustrated by that, she may start to take that out on you in the form of disparaging remarks or distance.
Being honest with yourself and the state of your marriage is the key to understanding why your wife is always mean to you. It takes a strong man to face what's going on in his marriage. If you're intent on helping your wife move her mood into a more positive place, focus your emotional energy on understanding her more. You'll both appreciate the enormous effort you're putting into your relationship.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your wife to feel even more distant from you. You can make your wife fall [http://www.makeyourwifeloveyou.com]back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your wife is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use [http://www.makeyourwifeloveyou.com]specific techniques to naturally make her fall hopelessly in love with you.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?My-Wife-Is-Always-Mean-to-Me!-Why-She-Acts-This-Way&id=6646592] My Wife Is Always Mean to Me! Why She Acts This Way
We all cycle through good moods and bad ones. Those changes can be attributed to almost anything including stress at work, worrying over money and even a fall out with a friend. Individuals who have been married for any length of time know that sometimes our spouse happens to be the person who is forced to accept the bad moods. We tend to take our frustrations out on those closest to us and most friends will quickly take leave if they feel you're being grumpy or disrespectful. That's not the case with a partner. They are, in some ways, forced to listen to a barrage of negative comments and often they feel unsure of how to respond. This is what happens in many marriages when the wife is consistently in a bad mood. That can easily manifest itself into a mean attitude. Any husband on the receiving end of that is going to tire of it, and his wife, fairly quickly. If this sounds like the script to your life at the moment, take heart. Understanding why your wife acts in this manner is the first step towards dealing with it in a way that will give you the peace you need and will get your marriage back into a more respectful, caring place.
Every woman is unique in her own way but there are several common reasons why a wife takes on a negative demeanor, including:
She's unhappy with herself. Life has a way of flying by and before we know it, we're middle-aged, staring down the barrel of retirement and we haven't accomplished any of the things we thought we would when we were a bright, young, twenty-something. Just as men hit a point that is often described as "the mid-life crisis," many women do the very same thing. If your wife is unhappy with who she is at this point in her life that can easily manifest itself into anger that is directed squarely at you.
She's harbouring resentment from a past conflict. No one can hold a grudge as well as a wife. As a woman, I can easily attest to that fact. Women tend to be more emotional in general and if something is said by a husband in the heat of an argument moment, it can burn a hole in a woman's memory forever. Negative comments that are initiated through conflict can impact a woman in a very strong way. Those feelings of resentment can easily manifest themselves into anger. Your wife may be so upset with you over something you said to her months ago, that she just can't let it go. She's allowing her anger to boil over to the point that her main goal is simply to emotionally hurt you, in whatever way she can.
She's not satisfied with the marriage. Marriage is very much a journey. If you've been with your wife for some time you know that there are times when the journey is rewarding and fulfilling and other times when it becomes an endless struggle. Your wife's anger may be related to her feeling that the marriage isn't what it needs to be. Every woman wants to have an emotional connection with her husband that she can be proud of and that she embraces. If you two aren't as close as you once were, and she's feeling frustrated by that, she may start to take that out on you in the form of disparaging remarks or distance.
Being honest with yourself and the state of your marriage is the key to understanding why your wife is always mean to you. It takes a strong man to face what's going on in his marriage. If you're intent on helping your wife move her mood into a more positive place, focus your emotional energy on understanding her more. You'll both appreciate the enormous effort you're putting into your relationship.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your wife to feel even more distant from you. You can make your wife fall [http://www.makeyourwifeloveyou.com]back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your wife is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use [http://www.makeyourwifeloveyou.com]specific techniques to naturally make her fall hopelessly in love with you.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?My-Wife-Is-Always-Mean-to-Me!-Why-She-Acts-This-Way&id=6646592] My Wife Is Always Mean to Me! Why She Acts This Way
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