Catastrophic Thinking and Marital Problems

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Cedric_Benson]Cedric Benson
When people assume the worst, they can actually make the worst a self-fulfilling prophecy. Catastrophic thinking negatively impacts a marriage in several ways. It is important to learn to recognize any catastrophic thoughts you may have and how to replace them with more realistic thoughts.
No one has a crystal ball that can accurately predict the future. However, people who tend to have catastrophic thoughts predict that something bad will happen. Catastrophic thinking can become a bad habit for some people, and often, they aren't even aware that they are doing it.
Jeremy's catastrophic thoughts drove his wife, Angela, crazy. She said that when they were tight on money he started talking about bankruptcy. When they argued, he would say he just knows they'll get divorced. When she doesn't want to go fishing with him, he says they are growing apart. When he suspects his company is having financial problems, he talks about getting laid off. Jeremy's thoughts show a pattern of catastrophic thinking.
Catastrophic thoughts can have other negative effects, besides just annoying your partner. If you expect something bad happen, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is because people's behaviors change based on their thoughts.
When Jeremy starts to envision that his family is going to go bankrupt, he starts putting less effort into saving money and paying the bills. When he presumes that he and Angela will get divorced, he puts less effort into solving their problems. He figures, "why bother if it will end in divorce no matter what?" He puts less effort into his job when he thinks he will get laid off. In fact, he starts using some of his work hours to look for jobs online. This increases the likelihood that he may actually be fired from his job.
When people are always looking out for the worst case scenario, they often look for more evidence that supports their theory. For example, if Jeremy believes that he and Angela will get divorced, he reinforces this thought whenever they argue. He views any disagreements as further evidence that their marriage is ending.
Catastrophic thinking also makes people ignore contrary evidence. Whenever Jeremy and his wife are getting along well he doesn't really notice. When they solve problems easily, he brushes it off. When they do have enough money to pay the bills he doesn't pay attention or attributes it to "good luck this month." He only pays attention to the things that he uses to support his thoughts.
People often tend to have catastrophic thoughts due to unresolved issues from the past. Past hurts can often lead people to think it is safer to expect the worst rather than hope for the best. Attitudes such as "nothing good ever happens to me" or "people who love me always leave" often cause catastrophic thoughts.
Jeremy had grown up with a single mother and money was always tight. He had been told from a young age, "your father abandoned us." He was bullied at school for his small stature. He dropped out of high school before graduating because he wasn't doing well academically. As an adult, he felt like he was lucky to have found Angela but was always waiting for "the other shoe to drop." He knew that good things didn't seem to happen to him and felt he was destined to have a difficult life.
If you tend to have a lot of catastrophic thoughts, it is important to recognize them. This is a very important first step, as many people underestimate how catastrophic their thinking is. Then it is important to learn how to try and evaluate the truth more objectively. For example asking yourself, "If I missed one bill this month, what's the evidence that I'll go bankrupt?" and then ask, "what's the evidence that I won't go bankrupt?"
It can also be helpful to ask yourself, "what would I say to a friend who came to me with his problem?" Most people tend to much kinder to a friend than themselves. For example, if a friend said she missed paying a bill would you say to her, "You're going to go bankrupt now?" Probably not. Perhaps you'd say something more like, "everyone misses a bill every once in a while. It isn't the end of the world." Learn how to take your own advice.
If you have unresolved problems in your past, consider therapy as an option to help you overcome them. It is important to resolve past issues in order to help have a healthy relationship with your partner now. Couples counseling can also help you deal with catastrophic thoughts if they are impacting your marriage.
For information on acquiring help for your marital problems please visit [http://family-marriage-counseling.com/]http://family-marriage-counseling.com/.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Catastrophic-Thinking-and-Marital-Problems&id=6652509] Catastrophic Thinking and Marital Problems