Marriage or Divorce?

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Daveda_Gruber]Daveda Gruber
Marriage is the unity of two people. I am married for the third time. I sometimes wonder if marriage is right for me. Three strikes and you are out, maybe it applies. I am not getting divorced but I am concerned.
My first marriage was a disaster. My husband was physically abusive. He hurt me many times. I will not mention his name but he is a public figure living in the Bahamas so he doesn't have to pay income tax. We were married for ten years and had one child very early in the marriage. She is now dead.
My eldest daughter saw far too much abuse and her father lied to her after the divorce and made her believe that I did not really love her. I found out from her after she was eighteen that her father has sexually abused her at the age of seventeen. I wanted to press charges against him but my daughter had a fit and said she would testify that I was lying.
Lanie, my daughter got into an abusive relationship. This time it was mentally abusive with a man old enough to be her father. I rescued her and brought her to live with me. I had divorced my second husband by then.
I guess you could say that my second husband appeared to be a good man. Slowly, he started to ignore me and did not want intimate relations since I had said no to anymore children. My second daughter was born when I was thirty-eight and my son was born sixteen months later. He then told me not to wait to eat dinner with him. He would rather read a book while eating. He preferred that to my company.
That marriage ended and my younger children were poisoned by the way my second ex-husband spoke of me. He is a lawyer and got joint custody.
Sometimes I think back and wonder if I just should have stuck with the marriage until the children were eighteen and I had instilled certain virtues in their lives. That fact will probably stay with me until I die because my children want nothing to do with me. Why should they? 'Mr. Lawyer' has the money to pay for the top university for them and supply them with expensive cars. I could not have done that on my own. Isn't that the way our youth thinks? Well my younger two do and the eldest took her own life because of deeds her father had done.
That leads me to my third marriage. I left Canada and became a resident, then a permanent resident and finally a citizen of the United States to be married to this man. I sold my house and left my friends and family. I brought money into my new marriage. You would think that would make my husband a happy man.
This third husband gets involved in his own thoughts and I have been called just a (insert 'bad word' here) Canadian. I am an American now. He did not comfort me when my mother died this past June. By the way, he did not love his mother. He has blamed the fact that she was in a wheel chair and not opted for surgery on his father's death. Once in a while he'll be sorry about how he treats me and hug me and say, "Let's start all over from now."
'Now' does not last long. He says I act like a man. I believe that if I do not agree with him, he feels I am acting tough. He wants to be manly and talk above me at times. He will interrupt me and just talk. He talks to our cleaning lady and I want her to clean. If I make a comment to him on that issue he yells at me saying, "I pay for her to clean; I'll talk as much as I want!"
I have looked up bi-polar and that seems to sum up what my husband is. His behavior is not normal. I don't believe that one leaves a spouse because of an illness. Now, it is up to me to convince him that he has a problem. I have already seen a list of his abnormalities on his desk. Maybe he is looking them up.
My husband speaks kindly to everyone in our lives. I am the only one who he is not nice to most of the time. Well, maybe I am feeling sorry for myself, some of the time may be more correct. Could it be I am just feeling sorry for him? You never know.
This game of marriage can be very tricky. I feel like I should have waited on the second divorce and now I am very hesitant about divorce in general. I am sick of starting all over. I have done it too many times. Now I have become the kind of wife who just disappears into her work and if I hear bad remarks I brush them off my shoulder unless I am writing about them.
I am the owner of Publishing with Passion and Poetry with Passion as well as, author of fifteen books including: "My Blonde World," "Magical Moments," "Bruised but Not Beaten," "Death of a Daughter," "Steelers Cheers," "Red Barn and Other Short Stories," "Cling to the Magic Mere Mortals," "The Blonde Who Found Jesus," "A Blonde View of Life," "Tales of a Tiny Dog," "More Tales of a Tiny Dog," "Castle of Ice," "More Snapshots from my Family Album" and "Snapshots a Blonde View." I am a professional graphic art designer and I produce professional video productions and design websites. http://davedagruber.com http://publishingwithpassion.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Marriage-or-Divorce?&id=6644239] Marriage or Divorce?